So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
