So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
