I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
