this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
