You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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