I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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