the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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