you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
