someone threw a dead crab at me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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