it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
