apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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