I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
