he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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