...so i touched it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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