does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
