Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
