All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
