when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
