If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
