You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
