Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I smell like Dick and happiness
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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