she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
