I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm at about main and main street
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
