he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
