I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
