Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
