dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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