JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
