what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
