My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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