Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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