he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
