Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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