That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
