I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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