I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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