i don't like sucking hair
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
