After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
