I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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