Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
