also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
