Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
