Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
