Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
