i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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