Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
