JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
