He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
