i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
