i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Me too!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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