yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
