yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
