Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
