After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
